Reflections

Years and years ago (maybe more like 6), all I wanted was a baby. I worked really, really hard at it (thank you very much). I did the natural things (you know) and then with the help of modern medicine I did some unnatural things (like grow my follicles to abnormal sizes and feel like I was carrying around cantaloupes in my ovaries). Some things were pleasant (natural things) and some things not (cantaloupes). When things weren't working out I tried to envision my life without kids. What kind of person could I become? Could Carl and I really be happy as a jet-setting couple with nothing but time? We made a decision. We could not. We needed some kids.

Then came the question...how would we get these kids? The next unnatural thing on the agenda was IVF (in-vitro fertilization). We were too broke and I was too tired of feeling like a medical experiment to go that route. I was also starting to feel like being pregnant wasn't something I really wanted or needed to do. We were perfectly content and excited about the decision to adopt.

I hope this next part of the story doesn't seem too flippant because it really was a neat experience.

I had been on a few email lists including one for LDS women called 2ofus4now. Every once in a while there would be an email listing several adoption opportunities. I always felt a little tug in that direction even before we decided to pursue adoption but they were always for African american or multi-racial children and we hadn't really discussed this option before. One day I couldn't wait any longer and when Carl was in the shower I asked him if we could adopt a black baby. Without any hesitation he said, "Yes!". We had both been thinking about it even though we hadn't discussed it together and knew that it was something that we wanted and needed to do. We pursued it and 5 months later we got Caleb.

Looking back on what we went through and how we ended up with each of our children, I can see now how we were guided and sustained along the way. I wasn't expecting to have the perfect white picket fence scenario with our super-obedient kids lined up in their clean clothes. I also wasn't expecting the kinds of challenges we're facing with them. HOWEVER, knowing everything I do now, I still wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't want any other kids than the ones we have. They really do belong in our family and if I hadn't suffered through infertility, we wouldn't have them. Did I ever think I would look at my infertility as a blessing? Well, I do.

Sometimes I just need to remind myself how much I wanted this...all of it. I'll take the good with the bad and try to remember to enjoy every minute of it.

Reflections

http://craftyconservative.blogspot.com/2007/12/reflections.html