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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Crazy

It happened. It was only a matter of time. I had my first breakdown since moving to Lincoln. It was just the other day that I was telling a friend that I was doing surprisingly well and I wasn't even on anti-depressants! Oh, I think those days are over. Well, at least the doing surprisingly well days. I don't think I'm to the anti-depressant stage yet.

Here's what brought on the hour long cry fest. I have my first book group meeting tonight. It has been on the calendar even before I changed it over to August. I told SD, the third Wednesdays of the month are mine! Last night, he came home from doing missionary exchanges for church and he told me that he was scheduled again for Wednesday night! WHAT? Is he serious, I ask? How long has he known about this. Apparently, he's known for weeks and just forgot to tell me about it. At this point it's too late to call anyone to maybe get a replacement or a babysitter. And, I'm starting to feel selfish because it's just a book group and what he's doing is for his calling at church (he's the new Ward Mission Leader, btw). So, I lost it. I really have been feeling lonely. Lonely lonely lonely. I wanted to try and meet some more people at book group. Now it looks like I'll have to wait until next month. The silver lining? I didn't like or finish the book we were supposed to read so at least I hadn't put a bunch of effort into it.

I miss my old ward (a ward is our church...it is divided up into wards based on where you live). There was always something going on. I'm still not confident enough here to get some of my own things started. I don't know how much of a desire there is for a babysitting co-op but that's on my list of things I'd like to start. Anyway, I'm just having major withdrawls from being super-involved and knowing what's going on to being lonely lonely lonely. I can't even go to the one knitting group that I know has actual people that attend because of missionary splits.

I spent almost 3 hours at the mall today. I sat on a bench for part of that time and talked with another lonely lady. She was 80 and lost her husband 13 years ago. She comes to the mall to watch people and walk around. She assured me that Lincoln is a great place to raise a family. I don't doubt it. I just wish I had some things to do and other people to talk to besides my awesome family.

Whining over for now. I can't believe I'm actually going to post this. But, I am.

6 comments:

  1. Yippee! I'm so glad you got to come to bookclub. . .and don't say it's "Just" bookclub, for me it's my once a month therapy session! Every bit as important as going on splits with the missionaires (ok, not really, but this is our SANITY we're talking about!) We'll need to get together and play with and without the kiddos! And we'll make sure your hubby is on full notice of when bookclub is!!

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  2. I forgot to leave my friends Lisa and Chris Clarks blogs. . .
    www.ohjudy.blogspot.com and
    www.thejollyporter.blogspot.com

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  3. Anonymous12:47 AM

    It can be very lonely being a stay-home mother, especially when we used to work before kids and had lots of social interaction. I know with your "can do" attitude you will hook up with some other moms and there will be new friends for you and your kids.

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  4. oh i so know how you feel! it's so super hard b/c we're supposed to take care of everything and then we feel guilty for wanting some adult/alone time. i'm going to be in the same boat as you in a a few months when we move. :( you're not alone in your feelings and a babysitting co-op is something that will catch on fast! i'm hoping you'll meet some great ladies..
    i don't understand what the missionary split is but that stinks about not being able to go to a knitting night! plus if you're like me it's hard to find a new babysitter with out recomendations from other moms...
    btw what church do you go to? anyways gotta jet.. ttyl

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  5. (((hugs)))) things will get better!

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  6. Oh no! I'm so sad for you! A good cry always helps me feel better though, hang in there and hug those beautiful kids. Miss you as always!

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