The Crafty Conservative
Blogger has been making me super mad this week! I've written three posts just to have them be lost forever because Blogger times out. Stupid blogger.
But, my main rant is about stupid things people say about adoption. I think that our having a multi-racial family makes people feel more justified in making comments to us (not just mean comments, but ones that they think are nice or productive...they're not!).
1. We did not adopt out of the goodness of our hearts to take in the "poor, unwanted" children. We did it because we wanted a family and the more traditional way to have a family just wasn't working out for us.
2. We know you don't understand how those young girls could just "give away" their children. You will never understand. It takes a special kind of person to be a birthmother. One that is self-less. One that is thinking about the well-being of her child above her own. I hope that the people that make these comments never have to be in the position to actually make this kind of decision.
3. To go through the adoption process, you want to really have kids. So, this next comment is probably the most absurd and the worst of its kind. "Well, now you're just going to get pregnant", "My third cousin's sister in-law's babysitter adopted and then found out the next month she was pregnant", etc... Now, really. What purpose do these comments serve? How am I supposed to respond to that? "Oh no! I better not adopt this child since I could get pregnant now that I've started the process since EVERYONE else gets pregnant after adopting. I wouldn't want MORE kids!" "So, you're saying that even after having unprotected sex for 6 1/2 years and using major fertility medication for at least one of those years isn't what is going to get me pregnant? It's adopting? Why didn't we do this years ago?" So, please, I'm begging you. Even if you really do know someone that got pregnant after adopting, we don't care.
4. "Where did they come from?" Okay, this one isn't too bad. I know you're curious. Heck, maybe you're thinking about adopting and just want some information. But, when my kids get older and can understand, quit asking in front of them! I don't go up to you and ask the details of how you got your children. "So, which position did you use to conceive?" "Was this one an accident?" "She doesn't look anything like your husband, did you sleep around, or something?" I think I've made my point.
5. I don't have any more, but I needed a number 5. I can't help it. I do want to mention this...I don't mind at all speaking about our adoption journey. I just don't share things I don't want to. These are just things that I've been noticing again now that we've got our Big Apple. As long as I've saved one potential adoptive family the horror of hearing comment #3, this post has served its purpose.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
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LOL.
ReplyDeleteAmen to the stupid things people say about adoption. The reasons for adoption are not the same for all, and should be private unless those involved decide to share.
ReplyDeleteIt is a huge misconception that only very young birthmothers "give away" their children. Birthmothers of all ages make the adoption decision. Our birthmother was 28.
My #5 probably would have been "Will she meet her REAL mother?" Arrghhh! The last time I checked, you and I (as well as the countless other adoptive parents) are about as "real" as they come.
Some people go to great lengths and travel the world to addopt children who look just like them, as if to preserve some shameful secret.
ReplyDeleteYour two are great as they are. There's something very honest about the idea that you had extra love to spare and they were in the market for some parents. A good deal all around.