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Friday, October 07, 2005

Mental Health

I cried almost the whole day. I cried most of yesterday, too. In fact, I've cried at least a little bit every day for the past 2 weeks. I'm about ready to go and get some drugs. I wasn't going to blog about this because it is kind of embarrassing to me. I'm scared to be alone with my kids. The Frog scares me the most and I feel that I'm a bad mother because I can't control him. Before he would just lash out at me. Now he's lashing out at his baby sister. This is NOT ACCEPTABLE! Unfortunately, I'm at a loss as to what to do. We've tried a lot of different tactics. We remove him from the situation immediately. We try to tell him what he has done is bad. Time outs. ha ha. Spanking? I've done it but it makes me even more sad because I feel I can't control my temper. How is it that I have no problem controlling a classroom full of hormonal teenagers but I'm at a loss as to what to do with my own 2 little kids? He's not like this constantly, of course. But when he has his moments....they certainly are memorable. I'm taking some mommy time tomorrow and going to the library to do some research. Some people have told me that he'll grow out of it. I just don't know about that. Any good book suggestions?

I wasn't going to dwell so much on what happened today. I really want to tell you all what happened tonight that made me smile and be happy for the first time in a couple of days. I had an eye exam. Yep, that's all it took to make me happy. Was it because I was by myself? Maybe. After the eye exam, a nice girl helped me pick out some frames. We had a nice chat. I remember that I like speaking to grown ups. She said she had fun helping me. I told her she had no idea what a pleasure this was for me. It truly was. I didn't even care about spending the money (I usually don't but I knew that SD was waiting for me with the kids in the play area of the mall and I didn't want him to go crazy). The glasses would be ready in 45 minutes.

I went to meet the kids at the play area and then we went to Lane Bryant. I bought some jeans. I realized that I only have one pair of long pants (that aren't sweats). I had a $10 off coupon so I used it! We got the Frog a balloon from customer service. That is the best thing about this mall. They even have them tied with little weights so they don't fly away. Things are looking up for me.

We went back to get my glasses. They weren't ready yet. No problemo. We wait. They come out. I put them on. The prescription was WAY off! Apparently, they gave me another lady's prescription (whose name happens to be the same as mine). Oh no. I was looking forward to showing off my super cute frames. I should mention that the only reason I got new glasses was because the Frog has destroyed my other ones by knocking them off my face too many times. This time I got some that were a little more flexible (although the super flexy ones were a little too weird feeling). Well, back to my dilemma. The manager apologized for the problem and fixed it right away. I could have my new glasses in 10 minutes (my lenses were less complicated than that other Christy) and she asked if I wanted to be upgraded to the scotch guard lenses. YOU BETCHA!!! Oh yeah, and my insurance plan is much better than the other Christy's so I'm going to be credited an extra $50. Is that okay? OF COURSE!!! I'm starting to feel sorry for the Christy Nelson in Grand Island. She's blind and doesn't have that good of vision plan.

So, at the end of the day...I'm feeling pretty good. Even if I do have to model my new glasses with super-puffy eyes.

7 comments:

  1. let me just say you're not alone! i all mothers go thru this even if they don't admit it. You are a good mother! even better b/c you're looking for help now and not dismissing this as something not important.
    as for the frog growing out of it.. he will but you have to train (discipline) him not to do it. as for spanking you'll find 2 totally opposite sides of this topic and people will always come down on either side. the key with spanking is it should never be done out of anger it's always controlled and the child knows what they've done wrong and you are calm and only spanked on the bottom. a good book on this is called "Shepherding a Child's heart" by Tedd Trip
    i've heard another good book is "the strong willed child" by Dr James Dobson and another book by him is called "bringing up boys" but those i've not read.
    again you have to think what style of parenting you and your husband do and Pick and choose from the books what works for you. not just one thing will work for every family! so it's good you're researching it.
    anyways know i'm thinking of you and i hope this gets worked out!

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  2. ps your glasses are adorable! i love them! you look great!

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  3. To the anonymous commenter (that I have since deleted): this is my blog and I will allow any CONSTRUCTIVE comment to be made here. Are you scared to write what you did as your own identity?

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  4. Oh man, you could have replaced "Christy" with "Mary" and it would have been my life a month ago. I knew it was bad when I started to understand why people abused their kids. For us, it was a phase and I expect it will be for you too. So take it one day at a time, cry a lot (it's theraputic for me), and get some alone time. I like my bathroom, it is a nice dead spot in the house from noise and I can lock the door.

    I'm a spanker myself. It's hard when they deserve it and you're also mad. Are we supposed to be happy when they act bad??? I try to remember that they need the discipline whether I'm angry or not. I like Dr. Dobson's book "Dare to Discipline." He's a pro-spanker.

    Your glasses rock! I had some exactly like that right before I got LASIK. We could have been twins! ;)

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  5. Christy,

    When Lauren was two I remember watching a Dateline show about a foster mother who had two girls. One was a child that was abused and born addicted to meth. For those of you who don't know what that means, it usually means 24 hours of crying in a row, babies that don't attach and often had attachment disorders, and many trust issues. Etc. Anyway, she was having a hard day w/ the little girl and put her in a high chair to keep her safe and out of the way. The girl kept climbing out so she TAPED HER IN with duct tape. Of course she got in trouble, etc. Let me just say that I KNOW we should duct tape our children to furniture, but at the time I remember thinking that it wasn't that strange of a choice. Keep in mind that my kid didn't have even a tenth of the issues that one did. This is about the time the phrase "I am going to sell you to the gypsies" got used a lot in my house. I am NOT a child abuser, but sometimes these kids have more stamina and engergy then we do!!

    You are Frog's mom and you have been give the special stewardship over him. Read as much as you can, talk to as many people as you can, and then pick and choose what you feel works for you and your child. You will know. The key is, of course, consistency. I found the age of three much harder then two. The only thing that saved me was months of waking up battle weary and just plugging away and being consistant. Eventually, it was like Lulu could just relax and she DID grow out of it.

    The key is for it not to make you crazy in the process. Also, this can be a time when it is more helpful for you to get some time away (if possible). I call it my "empty vessle" theory of mothering. An empty vessel has nothing to give. You need to give so make sure you are full. It will go a long way in helping you follow through. You are from the south so you know the saying "if mamma aint happy, aint nobody happy". True.

    There is a reason my kids are 4.5 years apart. Lauren was HARD. If I spanked her, she laughed. I could have spanked her to kingdom come and she wouldn't have cared. The key is finding what "hurts" them (not physically). Lu really loved to dress up and choose her own clothes. Her punishments ran the range of not being allowed to choose her clothes, not being allowed to dress up (they went to Toy Timeout) or actually choosing one that got taken to Goodwill. That hurt her and it worked. He is old enough to get THAT concept.

    You are also new in town and it is hard when you don't have other mothers to bounce it off of. He is just being a 4 year old. It doesn't mean it isn't hard, but he it doesn't sound like he is abnormal. He is just four. Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!

    Have you read The Wonder of Boys? I have also read "Raising the Strong Willed Child". It talks a lot about helping them understand that you are in charge w/ out breaking their spirit. I also found that Lu getting enough sleep solved many of our behavioural problems at that age. This is, ironically, when they start to push bedtime limits. I think that
    "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" should be in every home.

    The glasses look good. New clothes help!! Get a pedicure, they are heaven and not too expensive. :-)

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  6. Hey Christy! Please call me and head over here if you ever need to! I definitely feel like you do. Some days I'm about to throw Whitney out the window. Not literally, but in my mind, I'm SO finished!! Matt hears that a lot when he walks in the door, "ok, here are YOUR children, I'm DONE!!" I went through the same thing with Molly, she is so dependent and strong-willed!! She would smile and giggle all the way to her room when I put her in time-out, that would just get me more angry "You're not supposed to be happy about this you big stinker!!" I think she just grew out of it, I've forgotten a lot of it! (I guess that's how I ended up with another kid!!) There are so many different types of discipline, I think you just have to pick one and give it some time to see if it works, if not, move on to the next, but I think what worked best for Molly was consistency. We just had to lay down what was not acceptable and what the consequences were and stick to it. Still to this day, if I waiver just a little, she is so onto it and plays it for all it's worth!
    I also agree with Bek, "Healthy sleep habits, happy child" is a great book.
    And above all else, we need to still get together and have our Survivor nights, and when that's over, we'll pick another show!!

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  7. I just remembered another book, but I'll have to get back to you about the title, it's about kids and different personality types, and types of discipline that works for them. I'll check on it and let you know. . .

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