Perception

Six years ago we lived in Indiana. We had been married for two years and didn't have children (although we had been trying the whole length of our marriage). A year later I started fertility treatments. This involved me taking pills that made me have bigger mood swings than normal and cry all the time. After a few months of that, I had a surgery. Then, I had two cycles worth of shots that made my ovaries so sore and full I thought I was carrying around bowling balls. I went through all of this so I could have a baby.

During this time, I was super sensitive to other people and how they were with their kids. I was judgmental and sometimes rude. One family in particular had kids that were out of control. They would run away and get lost in the church building. Oh no! I thought, "What's wrong with these parents? Don't they care where their children are?". I saw moms that didn't hold or console their babies when they cried. How could a mother do that? Don't they realize how lucky they are to have those kids? They should take better care of them.

Well, I've learned a thing or two. I'm now the lucky parent. I have two precious children. I have no doubt they were meant to be in our family (I especially believe this about Caleb). I've also learned a thing or two about what it means to take care of kids.

Let me backtrack. The whole reason for this post is that on another blog I saw some comments about how appalled one of them was that there was a mother in Hallmark with a screaming newborn and she wasn't doing anything about it. She was just shopping for cards while the baby was crying. Five years ago, I would have totally agreed with this commenter. Not now. Some babies don't stop crying no matter what you do. This lady probably endures this kind of judgment each time she leaves her home. Should she never leave her house? I'm learning not to assume. I'm so mature. ;)

You know the family with the kids that would run away? We have become that family.

Caleb has started to see a behavioral psychologist once a week. He's getting diagnosed this month so we'll know where he falls in the spectrum. I've had to fill out loads of paperwork and surveys about his behavior, communication and social skills. I really hope this lady can help us. Caleb is getting so big that it's hard to restrain him when he lashes out. We need to find something that works with him...and fast.

In the waiting room at the psychologist's office, a lady came in and I overheard her conversation. She needed to sign a release so the LPD could get information about her child. A person had called DHS on her because they saw her doing a full body restraint on her daughter when she was flailing around avoiding getting into the carseat. Five years ago...that could have been me on the phone. Today? I turned to Carl and told him I'm glad that we haven't been reported yet. Carl told me that people that don't have kids with "issues" don't understand.

I don't want this to sound like we shouldn't step in when we know that there is real abuse happening. But, can we avoid the comments? "Oh, Timmy...look at that mommy! She's too busy to pick up her baby and that's why he's crying." "That kid is too tired to be shopping."
"Looks like he could use a whippin'."

I don't wish that people have to go through having a difficult child to understand what it is like. Just know that you don't always know what's going on.

Perception

http://craftyconservative.blogspot.com/2006/10/perception.html